


Friends Today, More Tomorrow

by Stormendale



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Implied Frottage, Kissing, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Mutual Pining, Neck Kissing, promise ring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-20 17:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18996805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormendale/pseuds/Stormendale
Summary: Dan and Phil reconcile their feelings about one another with whether or not to come out to their fans. While they're dealing with this, an obsessed fan is harassing them, threatening their safety and their relationship.





	1. 1

Phil stood outside Dan’s bedroom door, a thought away from turning around. Thumps and voices from other apartments were the background to his anxiety. He knocked on the door before he could change his mind. No answer. He knocked again, louder, and heard the universal groan for, “Fuck off, I’m sleeping.”

“Dan,” he said. 

“What’s wrong, Phil?” Dan muffled into his pillow, still half asleep.

“I’m just frightened.” Ten seconds passed that felt like ten years. He was just about to give up and walk back to his room when Dan answered.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do about it?” Phil heard the bed squeak as Dan sat up.

“Could I just sleep with you?” Phil finally asked. 

“Phil, you’re a grown man,” Dan sighed. “I hate talking through the door. Come in for a moment.” Phil opened the door and was arrested by the sight of a shirtless Dan, with his tousled hobbit bed-head and droopy eyes. “What are you even on about? There’s nothing to be scared of. It’s like living with a toddler.”

“The lamp in my room went out suddenly and I panicked. I can’t help it. Can I please just stay in here, Dan? I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“Oh, you huge baby,” he said, and sighed in defeat. “No need to sleep on the floor. I don’t feel like getting up to find a blanket anyway. Get in the bed and go to sleep. I’m going to literally die if I don’t go back to bed.” 

At that he laid back down, rubbing his eyes adorably. Phil liked grumpy Dan, even if it was Phil that he was cross with. He nearly crossed the room smoothly, but tripped on nothing, almost falling.

Supposedly sleeping Dan chuckled into his pillow.

“Shut up,” Phil said, his face going red with embarrassment as he climbed in the covers and closed his eyes. It was always difficult for him to wind down after an anxiety attack. He had told Dan he was frightened. It wasn’t necessarily a lie, but when the lamp had gone out in his room he hadn’t just went straight to Dan’s room. The next half hour passed sleeplessly for Phil, being unable to clear his head.

“Dan?” Phil whispered.

“What?” He answered immediately, surprising Phil.

“Would you smack me if I scooted closer?” He regretted it as soon as it left his mouth, but it was too late to take it back.

“I don’t have the energy to smack anyone right now.” Dan said, though his voice wasn’t groggy with sleep anymore. Phil moved his pillow a few inches closer and that was it. He had lost his courage.

“Oh, come off it. I know that’s not what you meant, you big baby. Turn around.” He said, and felt Dan’s hand push his hip in case he hadn’t heard. He had. Suddenly Dan was everywhere, pressed against his back, with an arm around his torso.

“Dan.” Phil was panicking again.

“Shush. You’ve been basically hyperventilating ever since you came in here. Calm down, Phil. I’ll protect you from the scary lamp.” Phil could hear the smile in his voice. He didn’t say anything, realizing that Dan’s embrace and voice were helping him calm down more than trying not to think about it had. 

“You smell like a scented candle,” Dan said. “Vanilla or something.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Phil whispered, though there was no need to be quiet.

“No. I like vanilla,” Dan responded. Phil wondered where Dan’s other arm was. It couldn’t have been comfortable trapped between them. “And I like you, so vanilla is just that much better when you smell like a cupcake all the time.” That comment made Phil’s calm disappear in the best way.

“What?” Phil whispered, even though he’d heard. He hoped for an explanation rather than a repeat.

“I said, I like you.” Repeat it is. Dan shifted and Phil felt his breath just behind his ear. “I know you heard the first time though. Did you just want to hear me say it again?” It seemed like a challenge, though his tone was gentle. Phil was sure he was imagining the situation then. 

_If I close my eyes and open them, I’ll wake up,_ he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

It didn’t work. “Dan I, I don’t think-”

“It’s okay, Phil.” He said, and planted a kiss behind Phil’s ear. His body went hot and cold at the same time. He tried to steady his breathing. “I don’t think I’m helping. Should I back up?”

“You’re, just. I’m dreaming. I’m obviously dreaming. Time to wake up now.” Phil said out loud, sitting up and rubbing his eyes aggressively.

“Well. If this is a dream, then you can say whatever you want right?” Phil had never had a lucid dream. He had tried many times in the hope of a dream like this, in fact.

“You wouldn’t have said that if I was dreaming. You would probably start reciting the quadratic formula or something because my dreams are so bizarre. So it’s not a dream.” Phil paused, hesitant. “I can still do whatever I want though, right?”

“Depends on what you want.” Dan quipped, smiling. 

“Can I scratch your back?” Phil blurted out, again regretting it immediately, the atmosphere in the room having gone awkward.

“What?”

“I love it when people scratch my back, so I want to do that. For you.” His confidence was draining quickly. 

“Phil.” Dan usually reserved this facial expression for cute puppies, but this time he directed it at Phil. “That is the most adorable fucking thing ever. Also, fuck yes you can scratch my back. I might fall asleep though, I’m starting to get tired again.”

He laid back down on his own pillow, and Phil sat cross legged on the bed next to him. He ran his fingernails gently, but not lightly, across his back. Dan’s skin was like a flower petal. He worked from the shoulder blades down to each part of his back in slow circles. Dan’s breath became Phil’s heartbeat. Dan’s skin became his canvas, though he wasn’t creating, he was nurturing. Everyone deserves to be taken care of. He had always wanted to take care of Dan.

After a while, Dan sat up and moved his fringe from his eyes. His small grin sent butterflies slamming against the walls of his stomach. “Phil Lester, I don’t think I’ve met anyone as good at scratching backs as you. Even though my mum and Louise are the only other people who have before.”

“Louise has?” Phil asked, amused.

“I was drunk.” Dan said, and that explained everything. “You know, when I told you that you could do whatever you want, I didn’t expect this. Turns out it was exactly what I didn’t know I wanted.” He leaned forward and kissed Phil’s cheek softly. “Let’s go to sleep. If I had known you would come in here and keep me awake for an hour, I’d have told you to sod off.” Phil hoped he wasn’t being serious.

Dan’s phantom kiss was on Phil’s cheek the whole night, even as he fell asleep pressed against him. When he woke up, Dan was still asleep, and he sat in bed for a bit. 

All he could think of was coffee. He stubbed his toe three times on his way to the kitchen, but he was so tired he almost didn’t feel it. A while later, he was sipping the sweet nectar of the coffee bean, out of the Dan and Phil shop pixel people mug because it was the only one clean. He had the presence of mind to wash a mug for Dan before he got up, and just as he laid his rag down on the counter, Dan walked in rubbing his eyes. He looked like hell and Phil loved it.

“Did I ever recite the quadratic formula?” Dan asked conversationally as he grabbed the mug from the counter and poured himself some joe. 

Phil fumbled for a response, though the obvious answer was no. “I was just tired. I didn’t actually think you were going to. Sorry about last night. I was just being a baby, like you said.”

“You were anxious, Phil. I understand.” Phil didn’t realize he had known. “Plus, we can all use a bit of comfort now and then. Even me.” Phil looked up from his mug upon hearing that last part.

“Even you?” He repeated weakly.

Dan chuckled. “Yeah, don’t act so surprised. I’m not a heartless monster.”

“I know. That’s not what I meant. I just.” He drank his coffee to keep from having to continue that train wreck of a sentence. 

“Hey, don’t go all awkward on me all of a sudden. Lamp anxiety will not drive us apart. I won’t allow it.” His playful smile over the rim of his mug paired with the kind yet teasing words made Phil feel better about the previous night. 

Not that he didn’t already smile when he thought about it. If he hadn’t been so awkward it would have been perfect. He would have been convinced he was dreaming, despite Dan’s bristly loving words. 

“Earth to Phillip?” Dan said, suddenly right in front of him.

“What? Yeah.”

“Just checking. I asked you a question and you stood there staring at your mug like it might sprout a tail or something.” He leaned one arm on the counter next to Phil. Phil wished he wasn’t so acutely aware of every movement Dan was making. That hadn’t happened the day before, or any day ever. “I asked if you wanted to start the next Dil video sometime today.”

“Oh. Yeah, sure. Of course.” He couldn’t look Dan in the eyes. 

“Phil. I might not be psychic, but I know you. Something is up.” Dan got a bit closer, probably unintentionally, and Phil’s I’m-in-love-with-my-best-friend radar began beeping louder than his thoughts.

“There’s nothing wrong.” Phil said, still not meeting his eyes. He could feel the skeptical look bore into him. His voice became quiet and he turned away. “That’s my issue. There’s nothing wrong. Everything is very, very right.” He felt like he might cry even though he was not sad.

“Remember that time we kissed?” Phil’s eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t turn to look at him. “It wasn’t too long after we met, on our trip to Jamaica.” Phil remembered perfectly, but he didn’t stop Dan. “I remember your face when they said we had to share a hotel room. It was priceless. On that last night there before we had to go home, you were telling me how you were sort of homesick but then got all flustered because you didn’t want me to think you were having a bad time. We were just sitting there, talking. I could tell you were sad, but I wasn’t sure if it was homesickness or something else. Can you imagine what the only thing I could think was?”

“I can barely think my own thoughts right now.” He answered, and Dan turned him around, a hand lingering on Phil’s shoulder. Phil remembered someone saying that brown eyes are unremarkable until you love someone with brown eyes.

“I looked at you, and all I could think was that I wanted to make it better. I don’t even know what I was trying to fix. Honestly, it was going to just be a hug. Then… it wasn’t.”

Then they hugged, and it was. It was just a hug. That didn’t stop it from meaning just as much, if not more than that one kiss they shared so long ago. Dan had thrown on his galaxy jumper when he woke up, and a galaxy is exactly what Dan felt like to Phil. Beautiful and diverse, and caring about him even though he wasn’t even a speck on that galaxy’s radar. 

This was the kind of hug that was on the opposite end of the spectrum from the one you give your grandma when you see her on holidays. It was a full bodied, breathless hug that left Phil giddy. Those tears he was worried about earlier were streaming down his face.

“It was important to me. It meant something.” Dan said.

Phil stood back. “I don’t understand why you let me think it was just a whim. I thought you were just curious, and you satisfied your curiosity and decided you didn’t like it.” He wiped his face on the sleeve of his jumper. He wasn’t angry, just shocked.

“We were just getting popular at that time, and I wasn’t secure in my sexuality then. I didn’t want to get harassed about it. Mostly, I couldn’t bear the thought that it might not end well. I spent all that time trying to get you to notice me and be my friend. I wasn’t going to ruin that.”

“I think I’m probably glad that things happened like they did.” Phil said, smiling. “If we had gotten together back then, I don’t think we would know each other as well as we do now.”

“Well, Phil. You’ll be sorry to find out that there’s a part of me you don’t know at all.”

Phil was pretty sure by the tone of his voice that he was joking, but he played along, quirking an eyebrow. “Oh? And what part is that?”

“Hmm. I guess you’ll find out, won’t you Phil?”

“What, have I unlocked Hard Mode Dan now?”

“Oh no, hard mode Dan is reserved for when I can hear you masturbate at night.”

He scoffed. “Dan! That’s supposed to be private.”

Dan laughed as Phil smacked him playfully, and with that the intense atmosphere of earlier was scattered.

Phil giggled. “Sorry I’m so loud.” Dan made a mhm noise and hugged Phil again, but this time it wasn’t as intense. It was Dan’s gentle way of saying I love you.

“Quit grinning like a maniac.” Dan said.

Phil covered his face with his hands. “Sorry.”

“Come on, loser. Let’s go watch something.” Phil bounded in front of him into the lounge. He was on clouds.


	3. Chapter 3

Not much happened in the next few days besides a few hugs and one quick peck on the lips, but Phil had a perpetual feeling of being more comfortable around Dan. He couldn’t explain it. He only knew that he liked this subtle change in their friendship, even if it could be a bit more than that now. Phil was glad to be whatever his best friend needed.

“What are you thinking about?” Dan asked, startling Phil.

“Just watching this.” He pointed at the screen vaguely.

He chuckled. “You were looking at the ceiling.” Phil shrugged, perpetual smile not fading. Dan sat right next to him, though there was more room on the couch. This wasn’t new, but it felt different. Then Dan put his arm around him. This was new. This was very new. “We should go out tonight.”

Phil perked up. “Out? Yes! Weren’t we going to edit that video tonight, though?”

“We could pull an all nighter if you’re up for it. I haven’t been sleeping much. Had things on my mind.” Phil blushed. He tried not to imagine Dan lying in bed unable to sleep, with Phil on his mind. He failed.

“Sure, that sounds fine. I’ve been sleeping really well. I changed the bulb in the lamp.”

“The scary lamp.” Dan mocked, and Phil grinned. “Hurry up and get ready, we’re not too late to get to Japan Craft.”

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed. “We haven’t been there in ages!” He ran off to go get ready. Japan Craft was their favorite anime and manga shop. Phil returned exactly two seconds later with fresh breath and dressed to go. Dan smiled fondly.

The walk there, though short, was pleasant. It wasn’t hot, but warm enough that Dan felt a little uncomfortable in his jumper. There were folks milling around when they got to Stables Market, which wasn’t surprising considering the amiable weather. Walking into the marketplace under the gargantuan sign proclaiming the name was like entering another world. Venders milled around the entrance, peddling everything from food to Great Britain related merch targeted at tourists. It was chaotically colorful. All the buildings were connected, with second story balconies adding to the surrealism of the place. This had always been Phil’s favorite place to visit on a day out. He couldn’t count the number of times they had been here.

As they weaved through fellow shoppers, though he wouldn’t get lost being so familiar with the place, he wanted to hold Dan’s hand as he saw other couples doing. Well, couples. Not other. He felt a burst of courage. 

_Surely he’ll be okay with it,_ Phil thought confidently. Dan was slightly ahead of him, and he reached out, but as soon as he felt the flushed skin of his hand, Dan pulled away as if a beetle had landed on him. Phil tried to stop the kicked puppy look that came over his face, but he had never been good at hiding his emotions. Dan looked contrite. “It’s too hot out here, love.” He smiled reassuringly. Phil was embarrassed, but nodded.

Once they reached Japan Craft, most of the sting wore off the moment he stepped in the door. The small corridor leading into the main shop was floor to ceiling Japanese snacks.The colors and cheery characters on the packaging never failed to fuel Phil’s bubbly personality. He mind-checked his wallet, and noted that he had enough to buy some things. A lot of the time, he was content to just visit the shop to look around.

As they gazed at a display case of figurines, Phil noting that there was an unfortunate lack of sports anime merch, Dan’s hand rested on the small of his back for just a fraction of a moment. It was enough to get Phil’s heart racing, but seemed to be over before it began. The two left the shop with a pack each of Pocky.

Neither wanted to go home quite yet, so they milled around the market, window shopping in various clothing shops and eating supper at a quaint seafood restaurant. Phil tried to keep the miniscule rejection from earlier off his mind. It helped that Dan seemed happy, smiling and making conversation. They found conversation topics easy enough, especially since Dan was so interested in politics, though Phil wasn’t interested in that kind of thing. He loved hearing Dan talk about something he was so passionate about. 

By the time they walked home, it was dark, and no one was around. Phil glanced over at Dan often, and they fell into step easily. Phil inaudibly sucked in a breath when he felt Dan’s now cool hand slip into his, fingers fitting together nicely. His doubtlessly moon eyed facial expression couldn’t be helped as he looked over at his best friend. He didn’t have the words to question him. The incident from earlier that day still stung, but he had to admit that there’s no doubt Dan had indeed just been too warm and it had nothing to do with Phil.

The hug they shared that night before separating to their respective bedrooms had been the kind of hug that only two people who love each other could share. Phil’s arms around Dan’s neck, and Dan wrapped around his torso, strong hands resting heavily on Phil’s hips. It was full bodied and heated. Phil went to bed that night thinking about it. 

Of course he did. It was perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

A few weeks had passed of the new closeness between Dan and Phil, and Dan was worried about what the outcome would be. He almost regretted comforting Phil the night of his panic attack. It had been easier to deny himself before. He thought of Phil’s face when he didn’t let him hold his hand. It was such a miniscule event, and it shouldn’t have meant much, but he looked like Dan had slapped him or something. He tried not to think of it.

He walked past the bathroom on the way to the lounge. His cheeks heated up as he heard something else over the running water from inside the bathroom. He could hear the slapping of skin and Phil’s small whimpers. He was bad at keeping quiet, but Dan had never paid this much attention to Phil’s ablutions obviously. He was imagining clearly in his mind what was happening behind the door, and started to get hard too as Phil let out a rather loud moan. He might have even heard that from the lounge. 

_I’ve read my share of Phil x reader fanfics, but usually those are more amusing than arousing,_ Dan thought. He leaned against the wall outside the bathroom, biting his lip and rubbing the heel of his hand down his inflamed member as he imagined, vividly, hot water running down Phil’s naked body as he jacked himself off.

Dan didn’t particularly fancy coming in his pants, and the water had just turned off anyway, so Dan scrambled to get back to the other room before Phil realized he had heard.

He assumed the browsing position on their couch, sighing, and trying to will his boner away. He checked his email. Nothing like scrolling through endless advertisements and notices of fifty percent off sales to get you soft. He was deleting them, one by one, until he came across one from someone he did not want to hear from. Their name was simply K.

_danhowellismydad99@hotmail.com_ to me:

_I’m tired of you ignoring me. I’ve done so much for you and you treat me like this. I love you, Dan. Why can’t you see that? Don’t make me go to drastic measures. I’ve considered taking my life… I might do it. If you can’t love me, no one else is worth it, right? Usually when people say that it’s about someone else. Dan, if you don’t accept that our love is meant to be, I’ll kill myself. On camera. And you’ll be the only one to see it. Please understand. It has to be this way._

_Yours forever,  
K. _

Dan sat up, setting his laptop next to him and lowering his head into his hands. _This can’t be happening again,_ he thought. The threats were never this heavy before. It was always implying that they knew where he lived and describing things to him that he had done that day. It was enough to make him paranoid all the time. It had been about a month since the last one, and he had almost forgotten about it. He stole a glance at the window, though the curtains were closed.

Soon he started noticing little things everywhere. He wasn’t sure if he was just being paranoid. A trinket wasn’t in the same place it had been before. His bedroom door was ajar, when he was sure he had closed it. He found himself staring at Phil a lot. The last thing he wanted was for him to be in danger, especially since he was so absent-minded and forgetful. Many times he had forgotten to lock the front door, or close the window in the summer. 

A few days later, it was late afternoon and Phil was in the lounge watching an anime that Dan had watched ahead on, so he had already seen that episode. Phil had been mildly upset when he found out. “It breaks the sacred rules of watching something with someone, Dan! There’s a code,” he had explained, but was now too distracted by the show to be bothered. 

Dan was in the kitchen making some tea for the both of them, nonchalantly gazing through the door at Phil, whose facial expression was one of concentration. Dan’s phone rang and startled him. It was Louise. “Oi, what’s up?” He said, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder while he stirred his tea, trying to rush it to finish steeping.

“Hey, Dan. We just haven’t talked in forever so I thought I’d drop a line. How are things in the Howlter household?”

“Haha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes at her reference to their Sim, Dil Howlter. Dan was fond of the name Howlter, though. He remembered a Tumblr post he saw about people who got married and just smashed their last names together. 

On the subject of how things were… he considered telling Louise about K. “It’s. Er. Yeah, it’s fine.”

“Oh, shut up. Could you be anymore obvious? I know something’s wrong, tell auntie Louise what happened.” She had taken on a sickly sweet grandmotherly voice.

“Add that to the list of things to never say again.” He said, and she chuckled. He sighed. “There’s been someone harassing me. A fan.” He said quietly, not wanting Phil to hear.

“Like Phan with a P-H or casual fan with an f?”

“Phan with a capital, italicised, bold P-H.” He said darkly. He decided to take the conversation to the bathroom.

“Everything okay?” Phil asked as he walked by, and Dan assured him in his most sarcastic voice, “No, I’m dying. I have to shit.” Once he reached the bathroom, he locked the door and sat cross legged on the floor under the window.

“Dan? Daaaaan?” Louise called into the phone.

“Yeah, I’m here. I just wanted to go somewhere private.”

“It’s that bad?” She asked, concerned.

“Honestly? Yes. I get three emails a day now. They were happening a while back, but they stopped for a while. Then a few days ago I got one and they just kept coming. All of them desperate, demanding that I love them, threatening to kill themselves. I’m-” He paused and took a breath. “I’m pretty sure they’ve even been in our house.”

“Holy shit! Dan, you need to tell someone. Call the police!”

“I can’t do that, Louise. They said that if I tried to get them arrested they’ll literally make a video of them offing themselves and have it sent to me. Another time they even threatened our safety. I can’t risk Phil getting hurt, Louise. You don’t understand.”

“I do understand. I know how much he means to you.” Dan’s face heated up. “I also get why you wouldn’t want to turn them in… I don’t know what to do.”

“Neither do I.” He said.

“OH! OH WAIT.” Louise said loudly, and Dan held the phone away from his ear for a second. “I have a buddy who’s a PI! He could help.”

“A private investigator? I thought I heard something about cutbacks forcing PI licenses being halted indefinitely. Or something.” He was sure. Also it just sounds sketchy.

“That was a few years ago. It’s a thing again now. I can give you his number, and he’s actually a really stellar lad. You’ll love him.”

“Alright.” He said, uncertain. He didn’t want to. This counted as trying to get K arrested, he was certain. He decided to just humor Louise. “I’ll give him a call. Text me his number.” Once they hang up, he gets a text with his number, but ignores it. He couldn’t risk it. Phil was too important. K was probably all talk anyway. He told himself that over again as he closed the bathroom door behind him with a click.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan was endlessly scrolling through tumblr one day a couple of weeks after his call with Louise - weeks filled with longing looks from Phil, who thought he didn’t notice - and Phil said his name three times before he noticed. “Oh, what? Sorry.”

“Didn’t we buy some weird tea some time ago? I forgot about it and was wanting to try it.” Dan smiled.

“I thought you said it seemed like it would be nasty. It’s in the top cupboard above the stove, though.” He watched as Phil walked into the kitchen, bouncing excitedly. The couch was situated just well enough that there was a view into the kitchen. Phil reached up, the bottom edge of his shirt coming up to show a sliver of ghost white skin, and Dan blinked and looked back down at his computer, not seeing the screen but seeing in his mind, that image from before of Phil masturbating in the shower. He tried forcing himself to stop. It almost worked.

He heard Phil giggle from in the kitchen. “I almost couldn’t reach it.” Dan extracted himself from the couch crease and walked into the kitchen to help make the tea. He wanted some anyway. He put the kettle on and turned around to face Phil, who was intently reading the tea box. Every time Dan opened his mouth to say something, it would disappear and be replaced by the thoughts he was trying to push away. He tried again.

“Phil, I.” Dan just looked into Phil’s green eyes as he answered with a curious noise, but Dan never finished. _Phil, I know what you sound like when you come._

“What is it, Dan?” The bubbling of the kettle heating was the only sound permeating the growing silence, and Dan averted his eyes again. Phil walked over and stood in front of him, looking bashful. “What’s the matter?”

Dan put all of his brain capacity into not attacking Phil with all the passion he’d been holding inside since then. Phil hugged him gently, a luxury Dan hadn’t allowed himself much since he’d revealed his feelings. He remembered the last time they were in the kitchen together like this and their hug of the century. 

He remembered Phil smiling like he’d won a prize. Dan didn’t know it, but to Phil, he had won a prize. He had won a lifetime of knowing that Daniel James Howell himself had liked it when they kissed, and knowing that it might happen again. Dan was seriously considering that possibility as Phil held him, probably thinking Dan was upset. 

Then out of left field, Phil was kissing him. No courage from Dan needed. It was only gentle lips playing against one another, swapping comfort and emotion. Dan pulled back but didn’t let go. 

“You still smell like a damn candle,” Dan said with a wry smile before kissing him again, this time more intensely. Phil made a light surprised noise and Dan reacted with his hands. They slid over Phil’s cotton shirt down to his waist as Dan pictured in his mind the sliver of skin he had seen earlier. He kneaded his love handles, eliciting a shuddering breath into Dan’s mouth. Dan grinned into the kiss. He had barely done anything and Phil was already breathing hard. 

He considered backing out, but all he could think was that he really, really didn’t want to. He broke the kiss to suck Phil’s neck and he made a sound that made Dan think he might have a sweet spot there. Dan continued his hand exploration, cupping Phil’s bum with both hands. Both men were now painfully aware of their raging boners as this pushed them against each other. The kettle started screaming.

“Shit shit shit shit shit, I’m so sorry!” Dan may as well have jumped six feet in the air at the sound of Louise’s voice for how fast he let go of Phil and was across the room. She held her hands over her face and repeated her apology.

“It’s okay!” Phil assured her, moving to take the kettle off the stove.

“I’m not so sure about that.” Dan said with a panicked look on his face. “How did you even get in here?”

“The front door wasn’t locked and no one answered when I knocked. I was just concerned, I didn’t think-” She stopped her sentence helplessly, not wanting to finish it.

“Please, Louise, just don’t tell anyone,” Dan implored her.

Phil scoffed. “What, Dan? Are you ashamed?” he asked as he set the kettle down, tone scathing.

“Phil, you don’t understand-” Dan began, but Phil cut him off.

“You’re absolutely right, I don’t.” He said sourly, and walked carefully past Louise while still trying to storm out. “Excuse me, Louise.” He said, and the way his voice cracked with emotion made Dan want to spew chunks.

“Please just don’t tell anyone. I know you like to gossip, and I’m not judging, but please please keep it secret. It’s not that I’m ashamed of him, I love him so much, but our fans, I don’t know what they’ll-” Louise interrupted him.

“Dan, I understand, really. I was just shocked. I promise I won’t tell.” She said, and Dan was internally twitching from being interrupted in the middle of an explanation, but he was grateful that she was being so reasonable about it.

“Thanks. I have to go fix this,” he said, and fast-walked to the other end of the house. Phil’s bedroom door was ajar and it was completely silent. The fact that he wasn’t crying almost made it worse. He would know if Phil were crying. It’s loud.

_I’m going to fix this. I can’t lose him._


	6. Chapter 6

“Phil?” Dan said just loudly enough for Phil to hear so he wouldn’t startle him.

“Go away.” Dan’s heart clenched up painfully. _This is why I kept it in. I knew this would happen._

“No.” He simply said, stood awkwardly by the door but determined not to give up.

“I just need time.”

“No, you need an explanation.”

“You’ve given me all the explanation I needed. I saw it on your face. You were horrified to be seen kissing me.”

“Well, we were kind of in the middle of a full blown lime fanfic- Can I just come in? I’d rather talk to you than your door.” Phil didn’t say anything so Dan just walked in. Phil was stubborn, just lying there on his bed, fringe splayed over his face carelessly and sporting the most hurt expression Dan had seen since his last houseplant had flopped. He thought his heartstrings might burst at any moment, though he didn’t show it on his face. Phil purposefully didn’t look at him as he sat down on the bed and moved Phil’s hair off his forehead.

“What’s a lime fanfic?” Phil asked sullenly, but Dan could sense his interest and was just grateful for the not-angry tone of his voice. 

“Not quite fluff, not quite lemon.”

“But what’s a lemon?” He pressed.

Dan smirked. “You don’t want to know.” He could tell by Phil’s flushed face that he knew by that bit of information alone. 

Phil’s neutral expression didn’t change. _That’s disheartening. My innuendo didn’t make him cringe._ “That’s not a good enough excuse, though. I know, Dan. I could see it.”

“But you don’t know what you were seeing. I swear to god, Phil. And I don’t care if that’s a flaming blaspheme because I’m dead serious. See this?” He pointed at his face. “This is my serious face. On a scale of one to extremely serious, how serious is it?”

Phil hesitated. “Super duper extra extremely serious.” He finally let out, pouting. “Except if I’m wrong then why don’t you just tell me what the hell is going on and why I’m so miserable and why you won’t fix it.” He put his face in his pillow, and Dan put a comforting hand on his shoulder, rubbing comforting circles there with his thumb. He considered why he didn’t want to tell Phil.

_Oh god, I’ve backed myself into this hole of keeping it from you but I’m so afraid it’ll come out badly and you’ll start to hate me. It won’t be all of a sudden, but instead this slow descent into things becoming completely horrible and then you suddenly deciding you’re moving out or something and I won’t know what to do because you’ve been by my side for so many years and I don’t think I could ever live without you._

_I could never say any of this because you’ll still need an explanation and it’ll still be too late to back out. That’s dumb though, because every time I read a book I swear it’s a constant barrage of “Just tell them how you feel already!” but now I understand because I’m on their side of it now, but somehow I’m still both people in the situation, the reader and also the stupid person, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I know exactly why I can’t tell you but it’s not even that big of a deal._

_The only thing is that the thing I’m worried about only isn’t a big deal because there’s such a small chance it will happen, but if it does it’ll be catastrophic to both our lives and I don’t think I could handle it and I don’t want you to have to handle it either._

Dan didn’t say any of this. All of it went through his mind in a split second and all he could do was look at Phil and want to kiss him and make him feel better. He knew it wouldn’t help. He tried to think of what to say and how to say it in the least amount of words possible. 

“Phil.” He looked away, down, up, anywhere but at Phil’s _I knew it, you have nothing to say_ look. “You’re my literal life partner and I don’t know what the fuck I would do without you.”

“That’s so cheesy.” Phil said quietly, and his puppy dog eyes meant the world to Dan. His mind flashed immediately back to the last time Phil had said that, at the end of their very first PINOF.

“It’s supposed to be cheesy.” He responded, just as he had the first time. _Camera clicks off. What happens next?_

Phil smiled sadly. “I still don’t really get it, but… I’m sure you have a reason. It was bad of me to think you’d be so mean. I know you wouldn’t. Unless you were joking, but the extra super duper serious face dispelled that theory.”

“Alright, mate. Sit up. Stop being such a huge toddler.” Phil smiled and sat up, and Dan put his arm around his sagging shoulders. They leaned their heads together. 

“I love you, Dan,” Phil said in such a small voice that Dan almost didn’t hear. He turned Phil’s face up by the chin and kissed him softly.

“All this sappy stuff is gonna make me barf,” Dan said, somehow romantically, right against Phil’s lips, and kissed him once more. Phil smiled, jokingly pushing him away. 

Dan’s poor heartstrings started their painful healing process.


End file.
